Case 1: Delayed Shipment

Situation:
The manufacturer of institutional furniture receives an order from a Topeka wholesaler for twelve posture swivel chairs for a special customer. Ten days later the customer writes that the chairs have not arrived. The reason, the manufacturer discovers, was that they were shipped to another wholesaler. In the response, the manufacturer tries to set things right and retain the wholesaler’s good will.

Exercise:
Write a reply letter, apologizing for the error.

Dear Buyer:

After I received and knowing your information about our delayed for shipment your orders. We as Topeka Company like to apologized about that. After we cross check about delay of shipped we know that there was a wrong shipment to other customer because of that we will follow up as soon as possible to sending on your order.

Thank you for your mention.

Can you pick out all the mistakes and correct them? How about expressions that aren't exactly wrong, but could be send in a better way?

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After I received and knowing ...
You can't say "After I received and knowing...". You receive something ; a letter, a package, an email, a delivery ; an object or noun.

and knowing your information
What does that mean? You can't say that in English. There are many ways to express the idea, most common of which is : "After finding out ..." or "After discovering ..." ; "After realizing ..." ; etc.

.. our delayed for shipment your orders
.. our delayed shipment of ...    ;    ... the delay in shipment of ...
And since there was just 1 order, no 's' ; ... of your order.


After ... your orders. We ...
"After ...." is not a complete sentence, so you have to use a comma.
"After ..., we ... and you also need commas around "as Topeka Company"

"We like ... " means Kami suka ... (We like to play tennis. / We like playing tennis.)
The idea trying to be expressed is "We would like to ..."

...to apologized about that.
We, as Topeka Company, would like to apologize for that.

When writing a letter or email, remember: Always write the most important idea first! What's the most important idea in this letter? To apologize!! So, how should you start the letter? "We would like to apologize ..." Do you need to mention the company name? NO. So...

We would like to apologize for the delay in your shipment.


After we cross check about delay of shipped ...
When was the crosscheck made? (note: one word) Past tense, right?
What does "crosscheck about delay mean? What's "of shipped"?
It should be "of the goods shipped" or "of the shipment".

It's also better to keep business letters in the third person context. So...
"After crosschecking our records to determine the cause of the delay in the shipment, ..."

Note again that this is only a prepositional phrase and not a complete sentence, therefore it is followed by a comma.

we know that there was a wrong shipment to other customer ...
Absolutely Indonesian thinking "we know". What should you say?
How about "we discovered"?
Instead of "wrong shipment", how about "error in the shipment"?

You can't say "to other customer".
Depending on if you mean singular or plural you would say "to the other customer" or "to other customers".
But, that's still wrong. What should be said is "to another customer" because it's not a specific customer. ("the" indicates something specific; "a" is general)


... because of that we will follow up as soon as possible to sending on your order.
This has to be a new sentence, so "Because of that...".
"to send" or "sending" ; you can never say "to ____ing"
If you saying "send on" it's not clear where you're sending it!
On to another customer?!   I hope not.

Again, remember, be brief. Don't repeat phrases and ideas or use more words than necessary.

And finally...
Thank you for your mention.
Say what? Have you ever heard such an expression before?
Letter writing is actually quite simple because you simply have to piece together standard expressions and fill in the specific information. So...
"Thank you for your ... (understanding, patience) or in another situation (consideration, attention, ...)

-- Here's one possible way of re-writing the above letter but following the same idea. --

Dear Sir,

We would like to apologize for the delay in your shipment. After receiving information regarding the delay, we cross-checked the shipping order and discovered that it was shipped to another customer. We have now corrected this error and you will receive your order shortly.

Thank you for your understanding.

-- Compare that with the original letter. --

Dear Buyer:

After I received and knowing your information about our delayed for shipment your orders. We as Topeka Company like to apologized about that. After we cross check about delay of shipped we know that there was a wrong shipment to other customer because of that we will follow up as soon as possible to sending on your order.

Thank you for your mention.